Higher (lower) Education

heydavidremer — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 01:08:06 +0000

David: I had a physics test and only was able to answer 2 questions out of 30 and I knew I got them wrong. So I attached a note that said “Prof. Moran, this is my weakest subject, and on top of that I didn’t study, or even look at the study guide you handed out. I’m really sorry, David”

Aaron: lol I ended my paper that I typed by saying ‘bye bye’ and I handed in a paragraph for a rough draft that was supposed to be two pages long. I thought that was funny.

Extras:

Why God. Why.

Paperclips

heydavidremer — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 21:49:30 +0000

I don’t understand people who say they don’t understand how recycling is a trend. The easiest way to get something done is to make it trendy. Honestly how stupid does an individual have to be to think cool is anything more than a marketed scheme? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not down on the whole idea of cool. I think lots of things are cool in and of themselves. The problem is they’re all too subjective to be cool. Cool is objective. I think carrying a Thermos full of cold water with me everywhere I go is cool because it stays cold for 12 hours and is a pretty badass shade of grey. But that’s subjective, because the girl I sit next to in English class drinks hot tea every morning (in what is obviously a hot tea container) and shoots me a really dirty look. I’ve attributed this dirty look to my subjectively cool Thermos. which let’s face it, should be objectively cool. Off track. The fact of the matter is, objective coolness is rarely cool. subjective coolness is always cool. (in the big picture) But we don’t live in the big picture; we live in the little moments that make it up. So objective coolness reigns.

Extras:

Number of times “cool” appeared (including various suffixes): 13

I touched on recycling. I like to recycle and do green things. But I don’t like to tie hummer drivers up and pound my organic will through their skulls. Yet most environmentalists seem to really like being extreme. Hummer drivers are committed to taking douchebaggery to the extreme yet they and environmentalists are natural enemies. They should bond over there sociopathic commitment to being idiots, go out for drinks and bond over how much they hate minivans.

Enviromentalists: because they arent fuel efficent.

Hummer Owners: because they are wussy.

I once drove a minivan, it was fuel efficent and sort of badass. I mean, it had a sunroof.

Extra extras:

You can not buy paperclips that are exclusively red. Though the red paper clip is the only paperclip with a book named after it.

Sheesh Louise.

heydavidremer — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 16:12:51 +0000

I don’t understand what people keep doing to animals to contract all of these flu’s. Cavemen never had bird flu, or swine flu, or West Nile Virus. I’m just saying aids came from the whole getting in cahoots with gorillas, soooooo. What’s up with the flu anyhow? Why don’t dogs get swine flu? And for that matter why don’t I ever see a bird with bird flu? I’ve never seen an animal that even looks like they have the sniffles let alone the flu. Flu shots give you the flu. The other day this girl asked me if swine flu was a plague. When I personally hear plague I think of bodies in wagons, corpses slewed about the streets, rats everywhere, I think that’s what everyone gets in their head when they think plague. When I tried to explain this to the questioning girl she cut me off to say, “I know what a plague is”.

Extras:

Number of times the word “flu” was used: 9

I mentioned West Nile Virus, The Nile, Queen of The Nile (queen of denial, that girl from the grocery shop) Cleopatra, Egypt.

This same girl asked me why there are no Egyptians in America. There are. I told her, “Back when immigrants were first arriving to America, due to a weird pharaoh curse, the sphinx came back to life; it pawed all of the Egyptians to death”

I should’ve said they came down with swine flu, and died of the plague.

Damn.